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Only 3 days 3 hours 58 minutes left until Hanks Holiday Handout drawing!

Photo by: jurvetsonSo I’ve written and re-written this post about 15 different times, but figure the best way is to just start at the start - What am I talking about? What is ANYONE talking about when they say “keeping up with the Joneses”. Well the all-knowing Wikipedia says:

“Keeping up with the Joneses” is a popular catchphrase in many parts of the English-speaking world. It refers to the desire to be seen as being as good as one’s neighbours or contemporaries using the comparative benchmarks of social caste or the accumulation of material goods. To fail to “keep up with the Joneses” is perceived as demonstrating socio-economic or cultural inferiority.

According to The Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins by Robert Hendrickson, the origin of this phrase is rooted in the popular comic strip of the same name created by cartoonist Arthur R. “Pop” Momand. The strip debuted in 1913, ran in American newspapers for 28 years, and eventually was adapted into books, films, and musical comedies. The “Joneses” of the title were neighbors of the strip’s main characters, and were spoken of but never actually seen in person.

It is possible that Momand named them in reference to George Frederic and Lucretia Stevens Rhinelander Jones, parents of novelist Edith Wharton. However, it is most likely that this phrase derives its meaning from Pembroke Jones, shipping and railway industrialist of the early twentieth century. Jones, of Wilmington, North Carolina, was a leader in both New York and Newport social circles well known for hosting lavish parties.

But I think it can be sub-divided again. I think that there are 2 types of “Joneses” out there. One is the kind that quietly gets the new car, upgrades the house, and takes the luxurious vacation. Then there is the second type that does all those things and NEEDS to tell you about them. I don’t mind the “quiet Joneses”, they don’t rub it in and they don’t feel the need to talk about their finances and wealth. It’s the “chatty Joneses” that get under my skin.

Photo by: jurvetsonDo you have someone like that in your world? I’m sure you do, everyone does. Yea, I envy the “quiet Joneses” out there. I’d like to have the kind of money they have, but at the same time, I am trying to stand very firm on my frugality, debt, and investing path, and I’ve avoided pitfalls like the “new car urge” on my journey thus far and hope to keep it up!

On the other side of the spectrum is the “chatty Joneses”. My brother is a “chatty Joneses”. He’s always telling me about his new job, his new house, his new investment, his “new this” and his “new that”. I’m always turning on the dumb side of my brain and just agreeing with him and whatever he has to say about it. I initially tried to talk sensibly about it when he first started bringing it up. I’d ask him about what investments, and what house rates, etc; but then the response just turned into him saying it was “really complicated” or it was “just a good investment he might tell me about in the future” or most recently, “it really is a dynamic setup I can’t really discuss now.” At that point, I just shut off that piece of my mind when talking to him. As of about 8 months ago, I have just been humoring him to the extent that I don’t even know most of what he is saying any more. I’m over it and if he’s happy talking about it, have at it.

How did this all start though? He wasn’t always so annoying to listen to was he? Sound familiar to any of you? I think it started a long time ago, in a city far away… [roll the cheesy words traveling to the top of the screen like in Star Wars]

My brother and I have always been pretty competitive growing up, but more so recently I’ve noticed the trend ramping up to very annoying levels. Yes, I want him to do well in life, and I want him to have the best it has to offer; but honestly, it gets a bit old. Is it jealousy on my side to think he is being pompous in his financial well-being? Not really. I think I do pretty well for myself in my situation, but I think it irks him a little bit that I DON’T discuss my financials with him. I think he’s got that little guy inside itching to be able to say, “Ha! I’ve got you beat there!” And likely, he does have me beat financially. He’s 3 years older than me and has no kids and a very smart professional wife. I have no problem with that.

So how did my brother (and others brothers I can assure you) get into the “chatty Joneses mentality”? My theory is that it has do do with upbringing, not parenting necessarily, but upbringing. My brother and I grew up side by side eating our green bean casserole and leftover SPAM twice a week. We were decent pals and did all the same sports and activities, but always had that competitive spirit about anything we could compete against. “I’m better than you at bowling.” “I can mow the grass faster than you.” “I can make more baskets than you.” “I eat more bugs than you” (seriously, that was a competition).

He, being the older brother always seemed to win at everything, but I always gave it a good try. Once I started getting good at anything we’d compete against, we “mysteriously” stopped having competitions. I never really got the taste of winning, and I think that he always wanted to keep it that way. and now today that he is probably better off financially than I, he wants to fire up the competition again. As it is a losing battle for me, I don’t feel the need to let him justify his well-being by shooting mine down.

Photo by: jurvetson

I think ALL “chatty Joneses” started young being very competitive and never really could quench that thirst for superiority. As with anything it takes time and needs to be ingrained at a young age. Unfortunately, I think this is one of those things. There is nothing wrong with being competitive, it is the basis of business; but pushing it on other people can be detrimental to your character.

So for the folks that came just for Hanks Famous “Are You a chatty Joneses Family Test”, here it is. Answer the following questions honestly and add a point for each one, and see the results below:

1. Do you have an income others would be jealous about?
2. Do you have a nice car or house you’re updating regularly?
3. Do OTHER people know you have a nice car or house upgrades?
a. Did you tell them you had these upgrades?
4. Do you bring up financial matters in situations that don’t normally have the need for financials to be discussed?
5. Do you feel you need to justify yourself and your society status amongst friends/relatives?
6. Does more than you and your wife know how much you make?
a. More than 5 people? (add 5 points)
b. More than 10 people? (add 10 points)
c. Everyone you talk to? (add as many points as you’d like, you will anyway)
7. How fast can your car go?
a. Do people act like they care when you tell them that?
8. Did you do well investing in “x” last week? Who was the first person you told?
a. Your spouse
b. Your mother
c. The guy sitting next to you at work
9. Did you win your last sporting event competition you participated in?
a. By how much? (If you know this, add 15 points - if you’re not a professional athlete, nobody really cares; it is just a game to the rest of us.)
10. Do you really really feel a need to justify yourself and your achievements to everyone?

If you finished with 1-2 points, you’re on the edge of being a “chatty Jones”. If you score 3 or more points, you ARE a “chatty Jones” and nobody probably really enjoys talking to you, so maybe tone it down a bit…

I’ve got to admit, I’ve made some bad decisions in my day, most of them all investment related, but I’m happy understanding them and would rather not have someone telling me the right (their way) to do it on top of pushing it on me. I’ll fail a handful more times, I’m sure. But in the end I’d rather constructive criticism on my investing tactics than an in your face “I’m better than you” session rubbing my nose in it…

Anyone else know someone like that?

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Tags: Compensation, Financial Education, Frugal //